A New Day

Sometimes I feel as if I have lost my old self. The girl that was free of care and lived life on the edge. The girl that was a performer and went out dancing. I find myself so caught up in worries and my own child's life that I forget to take time and enjoy my life. I feel guilty wishing for more. More fun, more energy, more creativity, more sleep...more time.

Everyday brings on new challenges when you are a Mother. New concepts of love and living "right." I have to remind myself that sometimes you can be to careful. Sometimes you need to simply be and exist and let your child roam free and all else will fall in to place.

As of right now my past dreams are on hold and new ones are coming to light. My son is my number one task at hand. Creating a strong foundation for him to thrive from is my strongest goal at the moment. There are times that I feel I am failing. There are moments that I feel I am losing myself and my mind. In those moments I look at him and see the smile and joy on his face, the strength in his heart and mind and I look in the mirror and say, "Job well done." I know I am on the right path.  A path I chose.  A path of love.

The new beginning. The never ending trial between what I feel to be true and what really exists. I am the never ending story of fantasy verses reality. The underdog. I pretend to be strong and in control but I run and hide and glide on the reality that other people are fuller of shit than me. I live. I learn. I know what is right in each moment of my life. I think I understand the reality of the masses but question its importance and need. I find myself more attracted to those that go with me on the roller coaster  and don’t need an answer to all that which signifies nothing.

Once I was a little girl that thought she knew the way of the world. So I glided and drugged and laughed at what they told me to be funny and I was wrong. I had no idea what truth verses dreams persisted of. I lived and loved in a world of fantasy and found my heart lost in between.