Bath time is fun

Today was a little bit of a rough day at our house. I had a stomach bug. Lochlan spent most of the day keeping himself busy. Luckily he loves to color and draw so that keeps him happily busy for hours. I rested on the couch as he drew; he would periodically come over and have me read him a story. We had minimal tantrums which is nice on any day but especially when Mommy is down and out.

Chalkboard paint is the best!

Even though I wasn't feeling well this little boy brought so much cheer to my night. I love him! 

signing I love you

Smoothie Pops

Smoothie popsicles are wonderful to give your toddler when they are teething or in need of a healthy snack on a hot day. Whenever I make a smoothie I always make a little extra to freeze in my popsicle molds.  Lochlan LOVES them! I never buy popsicles because homemade ones are cheap and healthy!! What gets better than that?

Teething is not fun at all

Easy Recipe: (I use organic ingredients when possible)

Handful of strawberries and blueberries
one banana
handful of peaches
1 C yogurt (I use vanilla)
1 C juice  (I usually use pomegranate, orange or apple)
handful of kale or spinach

add all into a blender and blend. You can add water or ice to alter the consistency to your liking.

Drink, enjoy and freeze some for later!

To Wean or Not To Wean

 

I have been thinking about weaning Lochlan for a couple of months now; he is going to be two on March 21st. I was determined to breastfeed for at least one year, two if possible, and like most Mom's I was very tired at a year but not quite ready to quit. I also believed he was still in need of it along with it being comforting and helpful; so I kept going and every six weeks I would reevaluate and see. Now he is 23 months old and I am realizing that as beneficial it is for him it's not benefiting me as much these days. I am very fatigued all the time. I run at about 20-30% on a regular basis. I think this is a result of a couple of things: One - Lochlan has never slept through the night. He slept for eight hours, once, but usually he wakes to feed every 2-4 hours. Two - My body is very petite and I have an extremely fast metabolism. I don't think it is doing a good job keeping up with sustaining a toddler that has a HIGH demand for breastmilk. He would nurse ALL day if I would let him. In fact, he is nursing right now!

I have been trying to get over my guilt. I feel very guilty about wanting to wean him. I really wanted to try to let him wean naturally (I recently wrote a post on how proud I am to nurse a toddler) and I believe in that and think it’s great if you can let that happen. But, I have to come to terms with the fact that I am run down and it's okay that I need to stop because Lochlan sure isn’t going to stop anytime soon on his own. Nursing is a relationship and it's not working for me anymore. I need to accept that. It's been months and months of me thinking about weaning him, talking about weaning him, looking into how to wean but I haven't quite had the energy to do it and there are tons of reasons not to (it's good for him...that's the biggest and best one of all). As tired as I was I could never pull the trigger.

So, I talked to my Mother today (she breastfed her children) who is a Life Coach and she did some coaching with me. She asked me what my fears were about weaning. I told her I thought his personality would change which ultimately it will whether I continue nursing him or not. I talked about him throwing temper tantrums and not being able to soothe him with milk and how that will be difficult. But, he throws tantrums now even though we do nurse and they are difficult to deal with. That's just part of being a parent to a toddler. You can not always do everything they want or give them all that they desire. After several more questions and answers we got to the root of my issues around weaning.  I realized that ultimately I feel sad that my child is growing up. I feel sad that I no longer have a baby. I don't know if I am going to have more children; his Father and I planned on having at least three kids but now his Dad is not sure if that is what he wants anymore and that is very sad to me. If I had known that this could be my only child I may have enjoyed all the little moments more but I can't live in the past. Now all I can do is be the best Mom that I can be and mourn the "loss" of my baby.

It's hard to have a child and have them grow up. It's hard to think you are going to lose that bond with them; that they are going to become their own person and be self-sufficient and not need you as much. I think it's something that a lot of Mom's don't talk about; how hard it is to have a baby turn into a toddler and a toddler turn into a child and a child turn into a teenager and a teenager turn into an adult.  A big part of being a good parent is to know when to let go and let your child find their way in the world.

I have to let go of my nursing relationship with my son because I can longer sustain it.

When I nurse him and this sounds terrible; I get the urge to throw him off of me. I would never do that but nursing him now physically causes strain in my body. My Mom brought up the fact that when dogs and cats wean they actually kick their young and that's how a lot of mammals get their babies to wean; they kick them away, push them away, physically force them off and away from their nipples which is how I feel. I feel like I need to force him off of me. So, I need to recognize that my body is telling me it's time to stop.

Lochlan loves his breastmilk and I know that it benefits him. I am thankful that I have made it this far in nursing my son but I have to listen to my own body and accept that I have done the best I can for my child. I am so proud of myself for making it this far. But now I need to let go and let him grow up. It is really hard to let go and to accept that my son is no longer a baby. However, I need to simply appreciate who he is now and who he is becoming and what our relationship has in store and all the wonderful things that it possesses at this time. I don't know what's going to happen in the future; David and I may end of up having more kids or we may not, but I have a wonderful son and I was able to have a successful nursing relationship with him. I am thankful for that and I am thankful that I have the sense to accept that my body and mind can no longer take this and that that is okay and I shouldn't be mad at myself or feel any sort of anger or regret. This is just part of the process and it's time to accept and move forward.

So, I am going to wean my son and I am sure it is going to be difficult and I am sure I will still be tired but that is what I am going to do. So, cross your fingers, wish me luck and we will see how this goes.

Ombre

Being a natural redhead it is almost taboo to dye your hair. When I was in middle school I went blonde for a year but ultimately let my hair grow back in. My parents would never let me do anything to crazy because of the red so instead they bought me wigs and I wore those. I always wanted to put pink and purple in but never had the nerve to
So It's has been fifteen years since I have put any color in my hair and still no pink or purple. Then I turned 27 and that was the first birthday I thought, I am an adult. I have almost a two year old. Holy crap! Then I started thinking about all those projects, skills, things I have wanted to do over the years and always pushed off to another day, a later date; then realizing it IS that later date. I am getting older. By no means do I think I am "old" or am upset about aging, but that I have let so many things get away from me or hold me back from doing what I want.
For instance, my hair. I have never had the nerve to actually color it a fun, funky color. Why not? Who cares anyway. It's just hair. It grows and I can chop it off or alter it again. So I did it! I allowed myself to live in the moment and have a little fun and not take myself so seriously.